Well it has been sometime since I've last sat down and wrote so this entry might be a tad bit longer then normal....... Ready? here we go..... So I'm back to work again, [sucks right? yea i know.] I had become content with just my small part-time job, yet with Ty'rell's birthday, then Christmas slowly approaching i thought that maybe i should go ahead and accept the //plea bargain\\. So far, everything is going O.K. Kevin is delighted that I'm back because the //idiots\\ he tried to find to replace me failed {{horribly}}. My dedicated and loyal customers are happy as well and continue to greet me with praise. Only ones who aren't that happy are my new co-workers. They don't seem to understand where i came from, and why i just jumped in like i had never left. [Ha] What idiots! It's the same as driving a car.[once you learn it, you'll never forget it.] So their pissed, yet I myself am [unhappy] too. This is not the lifestyle i see myself in, never have, which is why i had quit this job back in April, but times get rough, money gets funny, and jobs in Michigan were being phased out, so i felt as if this was my last and only resort. At least until i am able to return to school again. Not these bullshit ass trade schools either. I know you've seen the commercials ["Training in less then 15 months", "College isn't right for me", "Job Placement Assistant" ] That shit is some BULLSHIT!! If i had listened to my aunt i would have never wasted my time, my effort, and let alone my MONEY, in one of those school where i graduated TOP OF MY CLASS, yet am still unable to find a decent career in my field. Oh sure, you look in the papers and there are a [million and one] ad's listed for MA's all around the state. Do you know how much most Medical assistants make? The salary is horrible for the amount of time and training you spent learning the skill, not only that, but your requirements are endless! hell, you might as well be the doctor cause the only thing you don't do it diagnosis and write actual prescriptions. So this time I'm going to make sure i do things the right way, the way i should have when i was acepted to 3 very good colleges right after high school, yet chose to be juvenile and bullshit my blessings away. I [wont] make the same mistake twice. So with God willing I [Will] be returning to OCC this spring semester.
Moving on................
So me and [Jeff] have decided to move on and go our separate ways relationship wise..... This has been a 2 year relationship that has seemed like it's been in a stand still since we reunited. We were together so long ago[when i was 18] then we lost communication and reunited 2 years ago, but it's been so hard being with someone who has told me since the beginning that he is [not] willing to allow a relationship to come into his life right now, i didn't know that right now would last this long, so i had to let it go....... Do i love him? I can't say that i [Love] him, but i do have feelings for him. I can't seem to just go [cold turkey]. We talk everyday and i feel that it's more of just a friendship, which if i think about it, thats what it was the entire time, just with [sex]. Who was i kidding? i guess myself only huh? As time goes on, i know these feelings will become less and less evident so that i can continue to move on with myself and with my new found interest...........
Charlie........
Wow, this has really come to a shock to me that this is real, but it seems so right! I'm so nervous that i feel that we jumped into this way too soon, but i feel that when it's right it's right so why wait? After being with someone for so long with no progression i feel that this is going at a beautiful pace! Oh wait, you don't know who [Charlie] is do you? Well honestly[i know this is gonna sound weird] we've known each other since the age of 5, dig that! Through the [magic] of Facebook, we where flung at each other like snowballs, now our snowball is rolling and gaining more and more mass everyday as we learn about each others lives, thoughts and feelings. He has been such a support system for me and I feel so blessed to have him now, so blessed that I'm willing to do anything i have to do to make sure that this feeling lasts! With Jeff, i never felt as comfortable, never felt that if i had some thing i needed to discuss and get off my chest would i have been able to do so with him. So i bottled up, and talked to my best friend, i wrote, and i even [stepped outside the box], which while on the subject I'll discuss with you.........
Conrad.........................
Man, Conrad caught me at a very low[weak] moment, and his style was just too attractive! I've always had a problem with being attracted to [bad boys][hoods][dope men] whatever you choose to call him, and his style was so much as theirs, yet he was NONE of that! He was just a real ass nigga, who liked to have fun and hung around his inner circle of friends and family[which was alot]. Conrad had my head sprung, and my nose wide open, but it was always me trying to juggle him and Jeff around to the point that neither ever knew about each other. But Conrad had some shit going on that to this day i never knew about myself. I mean when it was me and him or me him and his people shit was great! but it would be times that he would disappear, sometimes weeks would go by, and i wouldn't see or hear from him at all, which lead me to believe that he himself was living a double life, yet his tracks weren't as clean as mines. Outta nowhere one night while i was out with some friends my phone rings [Kendrick Conrad] shows on the caller ID, I answer longing to hear this excuse of the longest disappearing act ever, thinking its gonna involved jail. He continues to tell me that his Father, Grandfather, and Grandmother, had all passed away back to back. I offer my condolences and leave the matter where it lays. Sometimes i would sit and wonder what life would have been like with him, then i quickly come back to my senses, he was never right for me, not even for me to step out of a situation that wasn't the greatest in itself [HE] wasn't worth it......That wasn't so hard to leave in the past...........
With that last statement "Leave in the past" Being said.......
This whole post came to mind after he watching ["The Best Man"] today..... Taye Diggs character was involved with a friend from college many years before the present date of the movie, yet him and that college love interest never moved on and he wondered [What if?] He was presently involved with a wonderful woman who was supportive and with him through everything he needed for the last 2 years they had been dating, yet he was so curious about that [What if?] situation with the college friend that he almost lost everything he had put his effort into building up. I can't do that...I can't allow myself to live in the past any longer. I can't risk throwing something so promising out the window for something that has kept me in the [shadows]. Time is moving, and so shall I. Frontwards bound only........
Moving on................
So me and [Jeff] have decided to move on and go our separate ways relationship wise..... This has been a 2 year relationship that has seemed like it's been in a stand still since we reunited. We were together so long ago[when i was 18] then we lost communication and reunited 2 years ago, but it's been so hard being with someone who has told me since the beginning that he is [not] willing to allow a relationship to come into his life right now, i didn't know that right now would last this long, so i had to let it go....... Do i love him? I can't say that i [Love] him, but i do have feelings for him. I can't seem to just go [cold turkey]. We talk everyday and i feel that it's more of just a friendship, which if i think about it, thats what it was the entire time, just with [sex]. Who was i kidding? i guess myself only huh? As time goes on, i know these feelings will become less and less evident so that i can continue to move on with myself and with my new found interest...........
Charlie........
Wow, this has really come to a shock to me that this is real, but it seems so right! I'm so nervous that i feel that we jumped into this way too soon, but i feel that when it's right it's right so why wait? After being with someone for so long with no progression i feel that this is going at a beautiful pace! Oh wait, you don't know who [Charlie] is do you? Well honestly[i know this is gonna sound weird] we've known each other since the age of 5, dig that! Through the [magic] of Facebook, we where flung at each other like snowballs, now our snowball is rolling and gaining more and more mass everyday as we learn about each others lives, thoughts and feelings. He has been such a support system for me and I feel so blessed to have him now, so blessed that I'm willing to do anything i have to do to make sure that this feeling lasts! With Jeff, i never felt as comfortable, never felt that if i had some thing i needed to discuss and get off my chest would i have been able to do so with him. So i bottled up, and talked to my best friend, i wrote, and i even [stepped outside the box], which while on the subject I'll discuss with you.........
Conrad.........................
Man, Conrad caught me at a very low[weak] moment, and his style was just too attractive! I've always had a problem with being attracted to [bad boys][hoods][dope men] whatever you choose to call him, and his style was so much as theirs, yet he was NONE of that! He was just a real ass nigga, who liked to have fun and hung around his inner circle of friends and family[which was alot]. Conrad had my head sprung, and my nose wide open, but it was always me trying to juggle him and Jeff around to the point that neither ever knew about each other. But Conrad had some shit going on that to this day i never knew about myself. I mean when it was me and him or me him and his people shit was great! but it would be times that he would disappear, sometimes weeks would go by, and i wouldn't see or hear from him at all, which lead me to believe that he himself was living a double life, yet his tracks weren't as clean as mines. Outta nowhere one night while i was out with some friends my phone rings [Kendrick Conrad] shows on the caller ID, I answer longing to hear this excuse of the longest disappearing act ever, thinking its gonna involved jail. He continues to tell me that his Father, Grandfather, and Grandmother, had all passed away back to back. I offer my condolences and leave the matter where it lays. Sometimes i would sit and wonder what life would have been like with him, then i quickly come back to my senses, he was never right for me, not even for me to step out of a situation that wasn't the greatest in itself [HE] wasn't worth it......That wasn't so hard to leave in the past...........
With that last statement "Leave in the past" Being said.......
This whole post came to mind after he watching ["The Best Man"] today..... Taye Diggs character was involved with a friend from college many years before the present date of the movie, yet him and that college love interest never moved on and he wondered [What if?] He was presently involved with a wonderful woman who was supportive and with him through everything he needed for the last 2 years they had been dating, yet he was so curious about that [What if?] situation with the college friend that he almost lost everything he had put his effort into building up. I can't do that...I can't allow myself to live in the past any longer. I can't risk throwing something so promising out the window for something that has kept me in the [shadows]. Time is moving, and so shall I. Frontwards bound only........
-CraKk-
